NO CHURCH IN THE WILD

I remember growing up and hearing No Church in the Wild for the first time, and honestly, I was just excited that Frank Ocean was on a song with Ye and Jay-Z. Like, that was enough for me at the time.

But there's this part of the song that I really wish I had an older brother to explain to me. Someone who could have just sat me down and said, Tayo, think about what this guy is actually saying.

Because think about it. What is one human being to a mob? And then what is that mob to a king? And what is a king to a god? But then he takes it somewhere else. What is a god to somebody who doesn't even believe in anything?

Nothing.

Do you understand how crazy that is?

Because we've just moved through this entire structure of power. One person is nothing before a mob. The mob is nothing before a king. The king is nothing before a god. And then somebody comes along who doesn't even recognise the authority of the thing at the very top.

Now, I'm not saying don't believe in God. Please, that's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about the thinking behind it.

Think about life. Think about how important certain structures look, how much power we give them, how we organise our entire existence around things simply because we've accepted that that's how the world works.

And then ask yourself, who said?

Seriously, who said?

Why am I doing this thing this way? Is it even working? What exactly am I trying to achieve? Is there another way to get there?

And I don't even mean big things. That's what makes it interesting to me.

Something as simple as setting a reminder to call your mum every two days. Then, before you call her, you prepare a little status sheet of what you've been doing.

Now, think about the psychology of that.

You know you're going to speak to your mother in two days. You know she's going to ask what you've been doing. And if you're serious about not disappointing her, you'll actually want to have something to tell her.

So now you're doing your best to make progress, not necessarily because somebody is forcing you, but because you've created this small system around something you already care about.

And when you call, she gets to hear from you. She knows what's happening in your life. You have somebody you're accountable to. Everybody is winning.

Just like that.

Something that small.

And the funny thing is that I didn't always think like this.

For the longest time, I thought money was everything. Money was success. If you had money, you were successful. If you didn't, what exactly were you doing?

And I chased that thing.

God knows I chased it.

But it just wasn't coming. Or rather, it wasn't coming the way I wanted it to. I would make some change here and there, but it was never enough. And even when I had some money, I wasn't fulfilled.

I was also a very flaky person. I have this tendency to take things to extremes, and for a long time that didn't exactly help me.

I would start something, be there for maybe three months, then disappear. Give up. Look for another quick scheme. Make some money. Get excited. And then we're back to square one.

And it wasn't even just money.

When I started using drugs, I took that to the extreme too.

Now, I don't want to pretend that I've suddenly become this completely different human being who has everything figured out, because I haven't.

I had serious help from my parents, my family, my friends. Serious help. And I'm grateful for that.

But I also had to make a decision.

And the decision wasn't even as deep as you might think.

I just wanted to stop disappointing my parents.

Because these people were showing up for me. That's it. They were showing up, so why wasn't I showing up?

I didn't need another complicated explanation.

I needed to show up.

Now, there's something about me. I wake up around 4 a.m. every day. I don't even know why. That's just how I've always been.

So I decided that by 6 a.m., I must be dressed.

That's all.

I didn't say I must have completed ten tasks or read three books or finished planning my entire life. I just said that by 6, I must be dressed.

And I mean dressed.

Even if I hadn't bathed. Even if I hadn't brushed. Even if I had absolutely no motivation to do anything.

I would sha just be there.

And that's what I did.

I kept doing it for months.

I was clean and sober during that period, and because I was actually showing up, I was exposing myself to information. And because I was exposing myself to information, I started thinking again.

It's really not that deep.

The more information I consumed, the more I could see patterns. And pattern recognition is a skill. I need to say that because people sometimes talk about these things like they're some mysterious gift.

I was just fortunate enough to have a mother who understood how important that skill was, and that woman forced it down my throat growing up.

Thank God for her.

So now I'm showing up, I'm taking in information, I'm seeing patterns, I'm connecting things, I'm beginning to understand what I can actually do.

And I just kept going.

And going.

And as I went, I kept stripping things away. Some things I dropped. Some things I kept. Some things I dropped much later. Some things I'm still trying to figure out.

But somewhere in all of this, I started understanding something about money.

I had spent so much time chasing money that I wasn't paying enough attention to value.

And when I started farming value, the harvest came with money.

That's really what happened.

I stopped thinking only about how to get paid and started thinking about what I could create, what I could improve, what I could contribute.

And I began to understand that value is the master key.

For me, it came in an order. First, I began to understand value from creation. Then value from management. Then value from experience.

And I'm not saying that's some universal ranking of how valuable people are. I'm saying that's how I personally came to understand my ability to contribute to the world.

You create something. You learn how to manage things. You have experiences, and those experiences give you something else to contribute.

And as I began to understand all of this, money started making more sense to me.

Not that I stopped wanting money, please. I still want money. Plenty of it, in fact. I have things I want to build.

But it's no longer the thing I use to explain my entire existence.

And even this thing I'm saying now, I'm still learning how to live it.

Because look at me.

I still smoke weed.

Not nearly as much as I used to. I'm not taking pills anymore. No lean. I don't drink like I used to, although I still drink at parties or when I'm with friends.

But I still smoke.

And I know that one day I'm going to have to make the decision to stop that too.

The funny thing is the conversation I have with myself about it.

I tell myself I can't afford to just stop because I'll fall sick.

And sometimes I actually laugh at myself.

Because yes, I understand that withdrawal is a real thing, but I also know myself. I know when I'm negotiating with myself.

And there's a spiritual side to this that I think about.

Every drag erases a bit of me.

I know the science doesn't necessarily describe it that way. That's not what I'm trying to argue.

I'm saying that every time I take that joint back, something has happened. I've made another decision. I've given something another moment of my life.

The Tayo who took the last drag is not the same Tayo who just took the joint back.

And I keep asking myself, do I want to see the end of this joint, or is this joint going to see the end of me?

Think about that question.

Because it isn't even really about the joint anymore.

It's about all these little things we do every day without questioning them. All these little decisions that eventually become the life we're living.

And this is why I keep coming back to that song.

What is a king to a god but a plaything?

What are all these things we've decided are so powerful? Money. Status. Habits. Systems. Expectations.

I'm not saying they don't have power. Of course they do.

I'm asking how much power they actually need to have over you.

Because sometimes we're so busy accepting the rules of a thing that we don't even ask whether there's another way to play.

Listen, listen, listen.

I really think life is a simulation.

And I don't even mean that I have proof we're all inside some computer somewhere. I'm talking about how life works when you begin to see the patterns.

Inputs. Decisions. Systems. Outcomes.

You do something, something happens. You repeat it, you begin to notice a pattern. You change an input, and sometimes the outcome changes.

Now imagine you have more information. More relationships. Better tools. Better systems. More resources. More understanding of how the world works.

That's compute power.

That's leverage.

And with enough compute power, enough leverage, you can begin to dictate your OWN SIM.

Your own simulation.

Of course, that doesn't mean you're going to control everything. I'm not even claiming that. People have their own lives. Things happen that nobody plans for.

But think about how much of your own life you could influence if you stopped accepting every little thing as something you had no choice over.

And the crazy part is that you can start with something as small as getting dressed by 6 a.m.

That's where I started.

Not with some enormous amount of money. Not with some master plan.

Just showing up.

And because I showed up, I exposed myself to information. Because I exposed myself to information, I started seeing patterns. Because I could see patterns, I started recognising opportunities to create value.

And when I started farming value, the harvest came with money.

See how these things connect?

That's why I wish I had an older brother growing up.

Not because I needed somebody to give me all the answers. I just wish I had somebody who could have sat beside me while we listened to a song like No Church in the Wild and helped me think about what it meant.

And then helped me see what I could actually do with that understanding.

Because these days, when I think about having sons of my own, I think about conversations like this.

I want to be able to sit with my boys and talk about a song, or something that happened to me, or something they're struggling with, and just think through it together.

I want them to be able to question things, including the things I tell them.

I want them to know that their father is still figuring things out too.

And maybe that's why that line has stayed with me.

Because what is a god to an unbeliever?

What happens when you stop believing that the thing you've always accepted as the final authority must remain the final authority?

I don't know what that question will mean to you.

But I know what it has come to mean to me.

Sometimes you don't need to change the whole world.

Sometimes you just need to question one thing you've been doing, figure out why it isn't working, and try something else.

And then show up tomorrow and try again.